Saturday, January 31, 2009

Last week of Jan:
Studies, common tests, remedials...
Self-study, group study, night study...
I guess everyone get all the more anxious as days go by..
Nearing the date of our O levels..
Which is like in 7 months time, give and take..
Uber short!

I've already decided what course I would take once I graduate..
The cut off point is high..
Like 27 points..
But I'll still put in my very best in the upcoming 'O's..
Cos I want to make my parents proud..
Cos I want to make my family proud..
Cos I want to make my teachers proud..
Cos I want to make my seniors proud..
Cos I want to make my friends proud..
And cos I want to prove that a malay girl can surely do it..

But then again, I cannot just give the lp service and not do anything abt it..
That is precisely why I am trying hard to improve my studies..
From F9 for Math to an A2..
From D7 for Combined Sciences to an A2..
From B3 for English to an A1..
From C5 for Combined Humanities to an A1..
From C6 for Geography to an A1..
And from a B3 for Malay to an A1..
So let's say the highest L1R4 I could afford to get would be 13..

___________________________________________________________________

"Amfa letfet efe vefe ryfy onefone downfown?"
That's the question I would like to be answered..
I ponder,
I wonder,
Yet no answer forms..

Faith in myself..
Faih in my goals..
Faith in my dreams..
Is all I need..
So..






Where is it??

---

Monday, January 19, 2009

Hey heys!
New year, new teachers, new schedule..
Welcome to 2009!
Anw, I've visited 2 polys these few weeks to check out the course that I like..
So, yar..
It's confirmed that I'll be going to a poly next year..XD

Last week those who took their 'O's last year got back their results..
And I was 1 of them!
okay, actually I sat for only 1 subject, so yar..
Anw, I got a B3 for my Malay!
I was like totally elated cos I have always been getting C6 for all of my exam and test papers since sec1..
So how cool is that?XD
So, for seniors out there who didnt quite get what you want, dun be so down..
Rmb, you can count on your friends, or even me!
So, keep in mind, I always keep my shoulders and ears up for grabs if anyone needs it, okay?
Jiayou!

Lots of Love,
Liyana!XD

---

Friday, October 24, 2008

Hey peeps!
Sorry for not updating my blog for a long time!
The start of hols, but seriously,
holidays DO NOT feel like holidays anymore..
What with all the going-back-to-school days..

Sigh..
How I miss the primary school days,
where holidays are truly holidays..
Spending time with family,
mope arnd the house n the best of all..
Read books!
Okay, recently, i've been back to the comforts of story books..
They really stimulate our imagination..XD
Gotta thank Liya for the wonderful book,
'Maximum Ride:The Angel Experiment'..
Thanx for letting me read that book aft you were done with it..

I'm looing forward to two weeks of lessons,
a competition,
2 camps as well as preparations for Sec 1 Orientation..
Cool, right?
But I no, some of u would be thanking their lucky stars tt they werent me,
while some would be cursing me under their breaths due to the unfairness of their workload..

Well, all I can say is,
Enjoy your holidays, no matter what you do..
And spend more meaningful time with your families and bond!
However, do not neglect your friends as they are impt too!XD
Try to spend some time with them too,
cos true friends are there with you through ups and downs..
Lastly, get some me-time and do some reflections of the past year for the new year!

I feel like a counsellor now..
*smiles*

Oh, not forgetting,
I would like to say a special farewell to Mr Foo,
who is leaving xinmin to pursue his childhood dreams..
All the best for our future endeavours and dun forget us!
we will surely miss you as you have been like:
a brother, a protector, a guide and a teacher of course!XD
We really appreciate the guidance, sacrifices and love shown to us..
ALL THE BEST!XP
Farewell but not goodbye..

On another note,
Hari Raya Celebrations have been great!
It was celebrated a bit late,
but nothing beats being with fun-loving cousins!
I've been singing here and there and everywhere,
so it's no wonder that my family members are starting to get sick of the songs that I sing..
Oh well, they just gotta get used to it, i guess..
Cos since I cant pursue my passion due to stagefright and religious reasons,
they'll just have to put up with my singing till i get sick of the songs myself..
*evil smile*

Speaking of which,
I was thinking of learning how to play a piano or a guitar after my 'O's next year..
Just gotta study harder than ever before till then..
*beams with determination*

---

Thursday, August 7, 2008

As most of you may be aware of, I have been quite emo for the past few weeks..
Mood swings everyday..
I've tried to talk to ppl, but apparently only 1 fits the requirement..
Even tt person refuses to pick up my call..

From what I realized abt myself,
I tend to blame ppl for stuffs 1st..
Then I'll take the blame..
Often realizing tt it was my fault after all..

It was my fault tt ppl hated me..
I am just too sentimental..
It was my fault for failing my tests..
I took them for granted..
It was my fault tt my squad got punished for not having 100% effort..
I was too preoccupied..
It was my fault tt my sec1 squad dont listen to NCOs..
I just didnt put enough effort to instill gd values..
It was my fault tt ppl get sick of me..
I was much too sticky..
It was my fault tt ppl hate me..
I noe it's my fault, but i dun noe why..

I have been getting more anti-social..
My heart hurts terribly,
as it it has an open wound..
But it just cannot be treated..
Can one perform first aid on my injured heart?
The pain is intense, i dun noe who to turn to..

My heart bleeds everyday in pain,
yet nobody sees it..
My efforts seem futile..
My hopes dashed..
My passion dying..
Please somone help me..
I just need a phonecall..
Or a shoulder to cry on..
Am I not worth even that?

I'm here in front of the monitor..
Typing out words into my post..
Heart still bleeding..
Tears still flowing..
I just need phonecalls..
Of those who promised to be there,
in times of happiness and despair..
I just need shoulders..
Of those who promised to be there to lend me theirs..
I just need listening ears..
Of those who promised to lend me theirs..

Where is everyone?
Is my bold front and happy mask good enough to fool you?
I am drifting away..
Away from my commitments..
I need you guys to pull me back..
Hadnt you guys promised me that?
I need it real soon and I need it hard..
Please everyone..
I need help..

---

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Hey guys!
Very sorry that I didnt update my blog for so long..
Been quite busy, so forgive me, kaes?

Lol.
So anywae, last week was quite a rush..
On thurs, 307 went to botanic garden..
Yays!
We had lots of fun, but it was quite tiring , cos I kept getting chased..
Apparently, I have a 'fan' club..
Hilarious, rite?
Yar, but my classmates are so fun and cute..
Actually, I even got two proposals on that day, one by Shiyao and the other by Yvette..
They are just so fun..
307 imba!

Then, I had a camp during the weekends at Pulau Ubin..
It was called Survival Training camp cos it actually teaches us all the survival skills needed during a expedition etc.
It was fun, especially with my group, Group 2..
The ppl there are fun to be with and they even care for everyone..
Sweet rite?
I really enjoyed the camp, except for the campfire on the last nite..
The sec 2s werent enthusiastic at all..
Which somewhat ruined the atmosphere during the campfire..
But then again, it wasnt so bad for 1st timers..
Good job campfire ICs!!
Anw, to my dear grp 2 members;
Love ya guys!!XD

The day that we were to head back to mainland,
I was emo-ing..
For some reason that I couldnt figure out at that moment..
Maybe I was tired..
Or maybe I was upset that someone was hostile to me..
Or maybe I was upset that the sec2s werent showing respect to the sec3s enouugh..
Sigh..
I just cant say for sure..

So that was the end of the camp at Pulau Ubin..
But that nite, or the nite after, I had dream,
which I hav mixed feelings abt..
That dream actually portrayed me as a somewhat life saver..
Daring to take risks to save ppl kidnapped and placed at a building , planted with a bomb..
That building just so happens to be my HDB block..
And I didnt realise that my family was still in the building, until after the bomb exploded..
Miraculously, I survived the bomb explosion and then went to my unit..
I went in and realized that it was glowing with a different shine..
Then I saw my mum..
At that moment, I juz Knew that she was dead, even though she was standing up..
She just had that glow to her too..
She was slim and looked like she was in her younger days..
She looked and was very happy..
And I was happy for her..
I just felt that she was going somewhere happy, eventhough she said nothing..
It was as it we communicated thru facial expressions..

That particular dream made me realise something..
That we would never know when we were going to die..
I mean you could just drop dead in the middle of the road if it was time for you to go..
You could lose your loved ones suddenly too..

That dream also got me thinking..
Wad would my reaction be if I suddenly lose a loved one?
Would I be able to cope with it?
Probably yes, if I had treasured them before they left..
But a definite no if I didnt..
That nite, I cried myself to sleep..

Maybe I knew this fact along time ago, only that I didnt realise it..
Maybe that was the reason why I kept on telling my loved ones that I love them..
By words or actions..
So just in case ppl still dont noe that I love them, here it is again..

For whoever who knows me..
For whoever whom I hav poured my feelings to..
For whoever who has poured their feelings to me..
For whoever who cares for me..
For whoever whom I care for..
For whoever whom I respect..
I love you guys and pls forgive me if I had done any wrong..
I may have acted on my anger or frustration..
I may have gone too far in a joke..
But pls, pls rmb..
And dun forget..
That I love you guys and you mean everything to me..

I will end my entry here..
So, bye guys!!

---

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I'm pissed. Very pissed.
But the thing is, I have no idea why.
Or rather, I had no idea why..
Come to think of it, i realised..

No. 1 was because of the scholars in sch..
They are more racist than any of us Singaporeans..
Took me by surprise..
Can't they understand that Singapore really needs the peace?

They are being educated in Singapore..
Cant they at least respect our practices as a nation?
Really, it was bad enough 44yrs ago..
I dont think anyone would like another riot in Singapore..


No. 2 was my classmates..
I think they were borned to suan ppl or sumting..
They, or rather HE had to suan me for not getting into excos..
As if knowing it and learning to accept it wasnt bad enough..
sigh..
Pls, why do ppl not spare a thought for me?
(referring to SOME ppl in 307..)
Need you rub salt into my wound?
My wound is already almost totally healed..
And you have to open it again..
Really, that is not helping me much..
Just do me a favour by being considerate, kay?

No. 3 was the listening comprehension 'O' level examinations..
What in the world were those ppl thinking when they arranged for ML & TL to be at 5pm?
What? We are not human enough?
Or lack of manpower?
I dont think so..
My invigilator was a malay..
I'm sure the chinese students had chinese invigilators..
So what was the problem?
Seriously..
Think of the minority too, can you?

So I guess I might as well proceed on to
explain why I flare up everytime ppl criticize other races..
See, I believe that ppl should respect others..
What have others done to deserve your criticism..
Fine. If you think that particular person deserves it, go on and critisize..
That does not mean that you have to critisize the whole race, rite?
What makes you think that ppl who have the same skin colour all reacts the same way?
We have our own brains too, you know..
In case you didnt know, we have the ability to think too..
So what gives you the right to look down on ppl?
Does critisizing make you superior?

I dont think so..
My mum actually says,"They critisize so that they dont feel inferior,
when in fact they are.. And they realise that in their mind.
That is why they critisize.."
Somehow, I partly agree with her..
But another part of me realises that it may be
because they dont place themselves in other shoes..

That brings me to my point..
Everyone, or rather, everything deserves respect..
If you dont show respect to others,
do you deserve they respect that they show you?
Think about it..

---

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Friday:
Cross country run at Bishan Park.
Arnd 6.30pm. Race over. Everyone dismissed.
I stood at one side. Scanning for ppl to go home with.
Spotted Ms Kuck. She walked towards me,
Talked to me abt Exco.
"I've got something to tell you. I'm sorry, but you didnt make it for the elections.."
That was it. I somehow came to know that I didnt make it.
But it just needed somebody to tell me that.
Mixed feelings. Still felt alright. Thought that the others still didnt know.
Didnt really show what I was feeling. didnt want anybody to worry.
Even then, I still needed to talk to someone.

Saturday:
The news was starting to sink in when Jasper talked to me abt the elections during tuition.
My mixed feelings started to sort out, though still confused..
Tuition ended early, so I decided to call ppl up to talk..
Thanks Jasper, for taking the time to talk to me and the advice given!

Claire was the 1st to pick up my call..
Asked her a few questions and found out that the others found out already..
Before I did.. Even before the cross country run..
Tears welled up, cried with Claire still on the other end..
Sniffs turned to sobs to river of tears from my eyes to my mattress.. Lols..
I wasnt really sure what my feeling was, but I somewhat rmb that I felt hurt..
Maybe I kind of expected Oreo to attempt to tell me..
I would have appreciated that..
Anw, we hung up when I had to run an errand..
Thanks Claire for answering my questions!

Next was Mel, right aft the previous connversation ended..
She was with her relatives, so she was quite busy..
Still returned my call, bless her..
Yar, I was still rather hurt, and I told her..
She was sweet too, still at the end of the line when neither of us had nothing to say..
She apologised profusely, even though it wasnt her fault..
Our conversation was quite brief, considering that I had to run some errands aft that..
Thanks Mel, for returning my call though you were busy! XD


I called Dom..
Had a few questions posed for him..
Then my irritating emotions had to build up AGAIN..
I had quite a lot to say, but it kept getting stuck in my throat, blocked by the tears..
But Dom was still there too, hearing me sobbing..
Thanx Dom!

Soon aft that, I had a super long talk with Elgin..
Thanx Elgin!

All in all, I spent up to 3hours talking to ppl..
My mum saw me during intervals and kept asking me why I was crying(due to my swollen eyes, i guess)..
But I guess she understood that I needed to talk to my friends,
so that I get over it faster..

So here's my list of ppl whom I owe thanks to:-
Jasper
Clarinda
Melissa
Dominic
Elgin
Belverlin
Charmaine
Peiying
My mum
And those who I didnt mention and
those who worried abt me
(Sorry! My memory is failing me!)

Thanx guys for picking up my calls
and listening to as well as consoling me when i really REALLY needed you guys..
Thanx for the advice given as well..
Thanx for the care you guys have for me!
Just wanna tell you guys;
I may not get over it so soon, I just need time, kay?
"Time heal all wounds.."
Dun worry about me so much, cos my passion for SLB is still burning..
You can be sure that I WILL be there!
Love you guys! XD

---

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Passing Out Parade:
The Sec4s are marching pass the flags..
My heart is beating very fast..
Not because I thought that we Sec3s couldnt do the 'Akan Mara' command..
That I trust that we can do it..
My heart was racing for what finally dawned on me..
The 42nd batch of NCOs are taking over, and it's US..

Throughout that 14 steps of marching forward,
I was very nervous and scared of what was to come..
The responsibilities, the teamwork & unity needed..
A goal for our unit..
I personally have a goal for our unit..
Kind of similar to oreo's vision..
But instead of 'heal the board', it's 'heal the unit' this time..

I really think that I am a changed person..
I love SLB, yet I dislike it..
I love NPCC, yet I dislike it too..
Maybe all the things that helped me..
And all the things that made me a better person..
I'll have to thank NPCC as well as SLB..
Two very different yet very similar commitments..


It's truly amazing how much you can reflect once you make it a habit..
Last time, I did reflect..
But all the reflected stuffs could not be developed just like that..
That was why I got myself a blog, I guess..
So that I improve myself,
& that my ideas and reflections get developed faster than it used to..
Also because I wanted to have a broader perspective and link things & topics..

Like in my previous entry:
I drew the link of others inability to understand why ppl do things..
This is what I believe in;
Everything happens for a reason..
For example, you cant just judge someone by appearance or behaviour..
That would be just on the surface..
You must consider factors like upbringing, family background,
past experiences and such..
Cos these really are the factors that affect how a person becomes..
In terms of behaviour, character, ability to make friends, decisions or even how ppl react to different situations..

But how do we know, you may ask..
I mean, we are absolutely NOT mind readers, right?
Yup, you are right..
We aren't..
But that can't possibly stop us from TRYING to understand, right?
At least just think of possibilities on why a person might be doing that..
You can ask too, for a reason..
But sometimes a person might not say what or how he/she truly feels..
Cos that IS one human nature..

Just rmb, everytime you are angry at somebody..
Place yourself in that person's shoes(not literally)..
And try to understand by considering factors that might affect that person..
It may not be accurate the few times you do that
& you may find it very troublesome..
But you will get the hang of it & it helps..
A lot..

Gotta go now..
Liyana signing off now..

---

Friday, June 27, 2008

years ago..
4E..
How do I handle this class?
Even the prefect before(who became head prefect in pri6) gave up on this class..
She couldnt handle them and asked me to take over..
Are they that bad?
Apparently they challenged my rights as a prefect..
Asked me why I was walking around instead of sitting down and reading during silent reading time..
Asked me why I was so fierce to them..
The thing was, I didnt wanna give up on them however notorious they were..
I scolded them 1st so tt they didnt get punished by the teachers later..

Tt was the word..
"Scolded"..
That was what I ever did to them..
I never punished them..
Never submitted their names to the discipline teachers..
Just scoldings..
And I deserved the name callings and rebellion?
The back stabbing and distrust?
Why did I endure for 3years?
Why did I bear with all that happiness?
With no one to lean on except for my own determination not to give up?
Why was I willing to shed tears for them every single day?
Cry myself to sleep every night?
Maybe I was foolish..
That was years ago..

yesterday, during NPCC..
I stood in front of the sec2 squad..
Told them not to fidget nor talk in a squad..
My squadmates were with me too, supposingly to support me & kexin..
But apparently they were too lenient..
Forced me to be stricter & fiercer with the sec2s..
Am I alone? Fine..
I scolded the sec2s for their mistakes..
And my squadmates scolded me for scolding the sec2s too much IN FRONT of the sec2s..

I was afraid I was too strict..
The seniors said no, the peers & juniors said yes..
So what was I supposed to do?
Be fiercer & less fierce at the same time?
What am I? Supergirl?
Fine, I chose fiercer for some time..

I went on, and was mocked for being too fierce again..
During sing-along..
I stood up to get juniors' attention..
They sneered at me..
And it felt as if history was repeating itself..
Ppl mocking, back stabbing & name-calling me..

What?
I am inhumane now?
No feelings?
Mocked for doing my job?
Mocked for trying to do my best??
Mocked for trying to keep NPCC's standard up?

After all I went though, I feel alone..
I feel like a cast away..
I feel like I'm rubbish..
I am human..
I make mistakes..
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO MOCK ME JUST B'COS I MAKE MISTAKES..
I'm willing to change for the better..
And ppl dont change overnight..
You think I suck?
You jolly well say it to my face AND have a good reason for saying so..
*jokes between oreo, retards & lam family not included..

I dont want to shed tears for nothing..
I dont want to feel like rubbish for nothing..
If you think I make mistakes, tell me..
I'll be upset, but I'll learn to improve..
Pls just dont say things behind my back..
The feeling is just so horrible..

Liyana signing off...

---

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Not much today, but even though it was only the 2nd day of sch, I feel super tired..
Almost slept while in physics lesson & had to go wash my face before I really fall asleep..
Lols..
I think Joseph is like trying to influence me to sleep lar..
BUT I shall not be influenced!XD

Anw, during EL lesson,
Mr Tan actually announced tt we had to write this journal weekly &
have this reading log to be filled in monthly..
My 1st thoughts for the journal part was tt I hoped we would get to write abt meaningful things..
And luckily, we could..
Lols lar..
I think this blog is already like a journal..
All, okay, almost all my reflections are reflected on this very blog..
Oh well, I'm sure it wont hurt to do moe reflections..XD

Then my reaction to reading log was..
"Great! Now I have an excuse to read books more!"
Funny lar, but oh well..
I was excited, after a long time not reading books..
My command of the English Language is really getting affected..
Haiz..

Oh!
And did I mention?
My MT O Level oral is just around the corner..
In fact, it will be next Tuesday..
Gosh!
And I'm not even totally prepared..
I think when I'm in front of the examiner, I'll be totally tongue tied..
OMG!!!

Which reminds me,
I have homeworks waiting for me inside my bag..
I got home at like 9plus cos of recitation class..
But cant blame tt,
cos I havent been going for a month even during the sch hols..
Must back up, cos my younger sisters are going to complete the whole book..
And Im still at 17 out of 30 so called chapters..
I've been reading since the end of Pri 6,
bt still havent completed yet..
Damn sad lar..

Anw, I want to thank Dom for the letter..
Very sweet of you!XD
Oreo rmb '' heal the board''!!
We can do it!XD

OMG!
My hws again..
Gotta go!
Every1 jiayous!

---

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Heys peeps!
Im back after 6 days spent in sch!
I can safely & confidently tell you tt all the days spent arent a waste of time..
Sec 3s(Oreo) more bonded, better senior-junior relationship & lots of things learnt..
Well done Camp Comm, Oreo, juniors!!
Thanx to seniors too!

Now i'm thinking that you guys had no idea why i sad tt i love you guys even before the camp..
All i can say is tt i guess i realized tt you guys are TRULY my 2nd FAMILY..
I guess it was the exact same reason tt I decided to run for exco..

I love you.
I love my parents & sisters.
I love 201'07.
I love 307'08.
I love Lam Family.
I love B.I.O.
I love OthREeO.
I love seniors.
I love juniors.
I love SLB.

There it is..
My loves & dearests.

Anw, OthREeO got these wonderful notebooks from the seniors..
They wrote msgs for us..
That was on the third nite of June camp..
Aft sing-along..
When all of us were crying..
Later aft sing-along when my tears were abt to stop flowing, I read my book.
And it set me crying again..

Now, ppl who arent in the board may be wondering what the reason was tt every1 had to cry..
It is really hard to explain, but I'll try anywae..

You see, SLB is a board like no other.
We are a family.
I noe ppl would be thinking,"so? a family is no big deal."
Fine, but apparently it IS a big deal to us.
We go through lots of obstacles together.
Even if we dont, we support one another throughout.

I was a prefect in my pri sch too..
And let me clarify this with you.
Being a prefect in Pri sch, in my shoes is no joke.
I would always try to involve n commit myself in wadever organisation i'm in(eg house),
therfore i put in my very best..

"what's the point?", you may be asking..
My family is one which love one another.
But due to some outside sources, my family was torn apart..
I didnt even noe who were my cousins n who werent when i was still small,
but somehow, my family got to patch up again..
There are more stories to tell, but I just cannot tell them to you..

Anw, back to my pri sch..
For some ppl, pri sch would be quite a memorable experience next to sec sch..
But for me, it was quite a sad one..

I strived to help the sch in whateva way i can..
But somehow or rather, i chose to be more to the disciplinary side..
I would be very fierce when doing duties..
Duties which backfired to me..
I had this duty of taking care of classes..
Every class tt I took care of was notorious..

They would talk back to me when I ask them to do something..
I would scold them when they did something wrong..
Coz I didnt want them to get scolded by teachers or anything..
But somehow the msg got across wrongly..
They kept thinking tt I was abusing my power, scolding them for no reason..
But everytime I scolded them, there was a reason..

Then I tried to be more patient, less short-tempered..
The scoldings tt I got from them were less..
But then I found out tt they talk bad abt me behind my back..
Saying this & that..
Calling me HeiHei(blacky) in chinese..

I dunno what made me stay on..
I dunno wad made me endure the humiliation..
I dunno wad made me have hope at te beginning of the day, only to have my heart shattered to pieces by the end of the day..
I dunno what made me cry myself to sleep every nite & hope tt the next day would be better..
Back then, I really didnt know, but when I reflect back,
I realized tt there was this sense of responsibility, this bit of passion & glimmer of hope in me tt made me hold on..
Or maybe there was even this feeling tt 'I have gone thru worst, why not this?'..

Those 4 years tt I served my pri sch, I endured with no one cheering me on except for myself..
No one was willing to stand beside me & go thru thick & thin..
Maybe this was stuck to my mind too when i 1st nominated myself to be in the board..
Perhaps this was the same reason too when I couldnt open myself part enough for my probation..
But I sure am thankful to Zien for seeing whateva was in me at that time to help me thru my 2nd probation period too..
I cant read minds, so I really do not noe what ppl think of me..

That is why I made myself think of all the errors tt I have made & reflect on them..
That is why I made myself strive to improve myself..

Now, I wold cry everytime I thoght about wad i have gone thru...
Without it, I would probably be a cold hearted person..
Without it, I would not even be in SLB..
Without it I wouldnt hve run for exco..

During the camp, we had a debate..
Someone said,"You must have felt at least once,tt you wanted to quit, rite? "
I totally disagree with tt..
I have never, EVER felt like quitting..

Even when I was too stressed, I would go on, rmb-ing tt I have ppl to go thru thick & thin together..
Even during tt time tt my parents wanted to call ms kuck for some reason cos they think tt I was too busy or sumthing(camp comm & seniors should know)..
The 1st thing on my mind was,"NO. I dont want them to make me quit SLB."
They scolded me for not giving the no.s tt they wanted..
They scolded me for being 'scared' tt i get scolded(as if)..
Not quitting SLB was on my mind..
I guess you can say tt quitting SLB was my worst nightmare..
It would be like ppl losing all of their loved ones..

Lols, so sorry tt this post is super long..
But it's served to write whateva tt I'm feeling..
Cos sometimes, I just cant say it out..
But just for the benefit for those who think tt I joined SLB cos Im power hungry,
I love SLB & xinmin..
I do this for love, & I do this out of passion..

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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I am in love with like, 2 songs..
They are 'No air' by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown, and
'When you look me in the eyes' by Jonas Brothers..
You guys should try listening to them..
Super nice lar..

Anw, while I was having lunch & chatting with claire,
I came to realise something..
I actually realised that my heart catches facts faster than my mind does..
Like sometimes ppl would ask me whether I would like to do something,
then I wold say yes..
But when they ask me for the reasons, I would need quite sometime to come to know of the reason..

One fine reason would be the Exco elections..
Somebody actually asked me whether I was running for the elections..
I said no at first, but later said yes..
Without knowing the reason..
There was just something in me that just told me that I want to run for exco..
But the thing was, I didn't know why..

I think I finally found out why after much searching in my mind..
Which was like 3 weeks after the question was posed..
Wierd, right?
And when I knew what the answer was, t was still hard to phrase it into words..
It was like this whole lump of incidents and experiences that formed my answer..

Ok, I shall not turn emo again..
Cos I gotta go through a 6-day, 5-night camp..
I need my energy and I absolutely cant waste it on emo-ing..
Plus I need lots of positive-ness throughout the whole of the long camp..

Ok, I'm like imagining a senior of mine mocking at my words 'long camp'..
Lols..
Cos I suddenly rmb tt he has had gone thru a 21-day camp..
Lols..
Anw, Jiayou sec 3 SLs!! XD

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Thursday, May 29, 2008

Heys peeps!
I'm officially a sick girl now..
I had a fever, currently has a cough & runny nose..
sigh..

Oh wells..
But the thing is, i hav selection camp tmr..
really hope tt I get better soon, for the sake of SC'08..
Plus, I havent even started on my hws yet..
I'm like so gonna die, cos I hav los of hw yet so little time..

What i dun get is..
What is the point of sch holidays if holidays dun even feel like holidays at all?
You
hav sch stuff like almost everyday..
N if not tt, you gotta do hw..
Lols..
Really, there's no point in the sch holidays..

Anw.
I'm like really in love with this super sweet song..
It's called 'When you look me in the eyes'..
By the Jonas Brothers..

I especially like the one tt they sang years before..
Tt was really nice..XD
By the way, Jiayous every1 for everything tt u'll are doing during the hols!
Take care n always rmb!
Safety 1st, kay?

Love ya'll!XD

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Monday, May 26, 2008

Heys!
I actually got 10 hrs of sleep!
I'm like so happy, cos I at last could catch up with my sleep..XD

Anw, there was RHD meeting today..
Quite a lot of things to settle, but took less time tt I expected..
The meeting took 1 hr 40 mins..
Quite long, but oh wells..
I really hope for RHD's success..

Oh, and not to forget..
May Selection Camp'08 and June Camp'08 be successful too!
Jiayous peeps!XD

Okaes, now to wad I did yesterday..
Yesterday rocks!
It was like one of the one days tt my family spend together,
as a full, six-member family! Yays!

After religious classes, we went to the Bedok army shop to get some things..
It was actually was one of the few times tt I go to army shops..
It actually had fishing rods too..
Was quite surprised,lar..
Cos didnt noe tt fishing is part of the army or UGs..
Lols..

Anywae, then we went to eat seafood together..
Woohoo!XD
Yar, and we had chilli crab, prawn with oats,
sweet and sour sliced fish and chap chai..
It was like sooooo fun!
Oh yar, it was in lieu of my sis' and my dad's birthdays!
(24/5 and 26/5 respectively..)

Cool huh?
Tt's why we celebrate on the 25th every year..
=D

Then we went to Joo Chiat Complex..
To this shop called 'Toko Warisan'..
A lot of things sold, but there was this one thing tt caught my attention..
Or rather the ladies' attentions..

There were this super cool brooches..
with dangling ends..
Many colours and patterns..
Super pretty!!!
I want some soon!

Anw, soon aft tt, we went to Darul Arqam..
It is actually centre for those interested in Islam or are converts..
I actually went there to collect some brochures for Belle..
Yar, so I visited the English Islamic bookstore too..
and found this totally interesting book..
'How Islam guides the Sciences'..
That was the title of the book..

I actually flipped thru the book
and it described how the verses in the Quran
proves the sciences..
Even before anything was proved scientifically..
All these verses were actually here on earth
way before science developed..

That was damn cool lar..
they even quote from the Quran lar..
I guess that's why ppl say tt Islam is a logical religion..

Hmm..
Then we made our way to century square to watch a movie..
But then we kept argueing abt the movie to watch
(aft we found out tt 'chocolate' was rated NC16)
Lols lar..
We were like so excited to watch tt and was so disappointed..

Yar, so anyway..
Im glad of the time I spend with my family..
Love ya, family!
Or rather, families!
The Lam family, Azam family, malay(names) family, the retards, BIO, SLB..
Love ya'll!!XD

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Saturday, May 24, 2008

Oh GOD!!
Why can't ppl just try to understand one another?
This was exactly what I was talking abt a few posts before..

Haiz..
It's fine for family members to quarrel, but this is just too serious..
Could ppl just stop being selfish and thinking abt themselves and start thinking abt why others react the way they do?
Could ppl be more respectful to one another?

Pls, even if you dun like that person much, at least give some space to understand them..
They may react differently due to different things that they have gone through in life..
Spare a thought for one another pls!
Lols.. And I thought my temper was bad enough..


You have to accommodate to one another once in a while, you noe..
Yes, conflicts would surely occur, but dun you love your family anymore?
Where's the love for one another?

Gosh.. Great!!!
Do you guys REALLY have to make me worry & emo every nite?!
I seriously hate the feeling, you noe..
Could we just work together to make this work?
Could we just support one another?

Fine, there may be a clash of opinions, but if you dun tell the other party what you are unhappy about, how would they noe?
Specify, so that they can reflect on themselves & improve if needed..

Then comes the understanding part..
Seriously, every relationship is not perfect and needs both parties to make an effort..
Trust me, I noe..
Understand the reasons and let the other party understand the reasons too..
It would greatly help in making the relationship work..

I really hope for you guys' relationship to work..
Pls put in the effort..
It breaks my heart to see this..

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Right.
These may be a little late..
But here it goes..

A big THANK YOU to all those who helped me make t through the Exco Elections!
XD

It's too many ppl to thank, but here are a few that can manage to list down..

Mel! Thanx for your support! Ppl do say that you are blur as sotong, but that's what makes you adorable! Thanx for the shoulder that you lent me a few weeks again, too! I really needed it!XD Love ya!

To all CMs,
Thanx for supporting us for our elections! Your help is really appreciated!XD Thanx!

All in all, thanx all for supporting us, for guiding us..
Also, thanx for the advice and tips!
We're really grateful!
Thanx lots!XD

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Mid-year..
My results certainly weren't up to my expectations..
Looking back, I guess I haven't really revised thoroughly..
So that's why I decided to do up a list of goals for myself..
Apparently I work better with a goal to work on..XD
On another note, I feel responsible for improving, cos when I showed my mum my report book, her face totally changed..

She looked utterly disappointed..
She didn't scream whatsoever, but she spoke dejectedly to me..
"You seem to do everything in projects and don't even have time for revision.."
She was disappointed, but she still cared..
She talked about my future..
"You're doing this for your own sake.. If you succeed, It is to your advantage.. Your dad and I just take the back seat, that even if you allow us to.."

That made me want to set goals for myself and improve for all my subjects, but the problem was, I have very little time to even do my hw during the june hols..
I shall try chiong as fast as possible, whenever possible..

Then later this morn, I was about to get ready to go to sch for SLAB workshop..
I was so preoccupied that I forgot what my mum asked me to do..
"Whatever you have to do in sch, you do it to your best, but whatever I ask you to do, you deliberately forget, huh?"
That brougt tears to my eyes, cos I really forgot that she asked me to do it..
She made me feel useless, as if I was unfillial to her..
Maybe I am, but I really dun wanna be so..
I really love my family, especially my parents, and would never dream of hurting them..
At all..
I'm sorry, enche and ayah..
I am really sorry that I can't be the most fillial daughter you could ever have..
Please fprgive me..

Anyway, had SLAB termly workshop for SLs..
I wasn't that bad, I guess..
Better than I expected, actually..
Thanx SLAB! For taking the time to organise this workshop for us!
I'm sure the others are thankful too!XD

Yup..
Then Huishi, Belle and I ate together..
I didnt now how, but we started talking about doomsday..
With Claire actually joining halfway..
Belle actually thought that I was talking abt the movie,
but I actually meant the end of all life in the universe..

I started explaining abt my religion,Islam, believe in..
Abt what would happen before, on and after doomsday..
Abt the signs that would lead to doomsday, who would die first and so on..
Oh well, I guess I got them interested with my knowledge abt Islam, but in truth, my knowledge of Islam isn't even half of what there is..
Also, I have not even told them half of my knowledge..
I think only like 10% of it..

Hmm..
I don't think Im qualified to explain Islam, though..
There's actually a centre built and set up specially for converts or those interested in Islam..
I really think that I should bring them there sometime on a Sunday..
Cos then can they clarify their doubts and learn more of Islamic beliefs..

I'll share with you an interesting fact..
Look at your palms..
You will actually see two-digit numbers on each palms..
These are actually arabic numbers..
81 and 18 on either side..
(the 8 looks like an inverted 'V' and the 1 looks like a 'l' cuved to one side..
Read from left to right, like a regular number and you will see it..)

Add them together and this is what you get..
18+81=99
This actually stands for the 99 names that ur God, 'Allah', has..
Cool right?
But why is it on every humans' palms?
One Islamic belief is that we have only one God, together as a human race..

Oh well..
That was a fun fact for you guys, your choice if you were to believe it or not..
I'm really not forcing you..
Just sharing my knowledge with you guys..
Hope you guys thought it as interesting!XD

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Thursday, May 22, 2008

Today was quite funny..
Peiying and I were supposed to alaf on stage to promote the 307 fund-raising for the victims of the recent earthquake in Sichuan..
Lols..
Then I ended up being too nervous and being not impromptu enough..
Then a teacher was like, "Aiyoh, Peiying was like a crazy woman up there and you were like... You guys were like on two different sides of the spectrum.."
Quite saddening lar..
Made me sound like I totally wasnt up to it..

Oh wells..
Peiying did a great job, though..
Sorry for letting you down Peiying..):

Moving on to other matters..
I realized that I miss him,
cos I havent been contacting him for a loooonnnngggg time..
I miss the time that we would talk or msg each other,
no matter how busy we were..
I've gotta control my feelings!
Cos I really am getting crazy!

Hmm..
yesterday during EL lesson, we watched this documentary made in a movie-like way..
Called "the inconvenient truth"..
I had long ago known that humans are killing themselves..
But the most sad thing was that other living-beings in the world get affected too..
There was this scene in the 'movie' that showed a polar bears swimming for miles in search of a block of ice to rest on..
Then the polar bear finally found a thin block of ice..
It actually attempted to go up the ice..
But the ice was simply too thin and everytime it tried to go up the ice, the ice broke into half..
That was wad struck me hard..
The animals are suffering cos of humans' selfishness in setting up civilisations and developing technology..
That was the scene that broke my heart..

Humans are the most intelligent being that God created..
But that same intelligence made us destroy the very same world that God created for Adam & Eve after they were thrown out of heaven..
The world created for us..
Humans are obsessed over worldly posessions and neglect other things..
They fight over power, over territories, over rights..
But they fail to understand that these are certainly not the most important things in life..

Quoted:
"We were born to die.."
This saying is certainly true, but do ppl ever ponder on why this is so?
What is the purpose of living, when at last you are gonna die?
These are unexplained in the scientific world,
but in my religion, we believe that we were born to earn our rights in the afterworld..
Whether you earn your rights to go to heaven or hell, that is your choice,
cos it really is your soul in a borrowed property of God..
That is , the body..

We may not know what to expect after we die..
But in my religion, again, we have a belief..
After doomsday, when the whole universe dies, every human will be gathered in a huge field..
Every1 will be judged according to the good and bad deeds you have done in life..
Then every1 will have to cross a bridge that is over hell..
The bridge is 1/7 th the diameter of a strand of hair..
Those destined to go to heaven will go across the bridge swiftly..
While those destined to go to hell will lose their balance and fall into hell..

Scary, right?
Really, I'm not trying to scare you to join Islam,
but just to share my beliefs..
Cos another thing told in Islam is that the pain of dying is like someone skinning you alive..
And the heat of the 1st level of hell is actually as hot as the core of the sun..
Imagine that..
We cant even stand the pain of heat on earth..
How abt hell then?

Lols, I think I'm a bit too serious..
But my conclusion is actually that humans are selfish
cos they are the most intelligent creature of God..
And as a result, we become the firewood of hell,
as we do bad deeds even when we can think for ourselves..

OMG!
I'm really sorry, peeps..
I have gone to serious abt this religion thing,
but I hope this would motivate you guys to do more good deeds, kay?
Love ya'll
and thanks for reading my post!XD

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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Well, today had lots of happenings..
The school had to vote for their top 3 exco candidates today..
All the candidates were called out front for a last look at our faces before they began voting..
Quite funny lar.. Like in a parade, then need to stand there for like, 10 mins..XD
But quite nervous too, cos every1 were there sitting and looking at us, discussing..
Then we were there, staring back at them.. Trying not to fidget..
Lols..

Aft tt was done, during lesson, sweet Mr Foo prepared for us something..
He really cared for us and made us mock 'O' level cert just to encourage us to study more..
Super sweet of him..XD
But then my L1R5 was like 40..
I really need to work harder than I had.. Sigh..
Oh well, for the sake of my dreams.. I will..
Jiayou Liyana!XD

Hmm, but during lesson aft tt,
one of my irritating classmate actually called me 'xiao hei', leh..
Quite saddening lar..
Plus i not black also..
In tanned, or brown.. Not BLACK!!:(
Haiz..
Yar, apparently some other ppl also call me tt..
Hmm, maybe they are colour blind..
Poor them, really..
Lols..
No point sad also..
..Yays!!! Im finally positive..XD

Anywae, ppl..
Pls support 307 in raising funds for the Myanmar and China victims!
We are selling nachos, hotdogs as well as hotdogs wrapped in prata!!
If yo guys dun wanna buy, no prob! Juz donate whatever in your means..
Must be sincere, though!XD

Yar, and I hope tt my seniors, my frenz all have read thru my previous post, cos I really mean it and I want you guys to noe tt!:D
Thanx for reading!Love ya'll!

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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

This was my reflections abt life one day..
I was quite depressed so I wrote this..
Just wanted to share tis with you guys..
A bit of Islamic influence, though..
In malay..

Mengapa hidup bergini?
Orang semua memikirkan diri sendiri.
Mengapakah manusia tidak bolen memikirkan demi kebaikan org lain; setidak-tidaknya utk org yg tersayang?
Adakah tiada siapa lagi yang mencintakan SLB ini?
Mungkin inilah yg dikatakan manusia terlalu mementingkan diri sendiri.
Mengapakah semua org berubah fikiran?
Manakah sikap bertimbang rasa dan kasih sayang terhadap ahli-ahli keluarga sendiri?
Mungkin benar yg tandad-tanda ini menunjukkan bahawa hari kiamat sedahpun dekat. Terlalu dekat.
Tiada yg memperdulikan audara-mara sendiri.
"Hanya aku, aku, dan AKU!!"
Adakah ini yg akan dikatakan semua pada saban hari?

In English:
Why is life like this?
Everyone thinks for themselves.
Why can't human beings think for the sake of others' good, if not so, for their loved ones' sake?
Is there nobody who loves SLB anymore?
Maybe this is said, that humans think too much for themselves.
Why did everybody change their mind?
Where is the care and concern towards your own family members?
Maybe it's true that these signs do truely mean that doomsday is near. Too near.
Nobody cares about their own relatives.
"Only me, me and ME!!"
Is this what would be said by everyone one day?


This entry just simply reflects my view abt those ppl who lost their passion for SLB..
We are a family aft all..
I mean, would you just give up on your family like that just b'cos ppl are not passionate abt SLB anymore?
Where's the effort to change SLB for the better?
Yes, i noe..
SLB may not be perfect.. Nothing's perfect..
But you've gotta put in your best to be satisfied with your job..
Doesnt mattr if you succeed or fail..
All that matters is that you have tried, cos you care..
You tried cos ou care and you dun just sit there, blog abt it and do nothing abt it..
That is not the way, cos you chose to be with SLB..
Why should you give it up so easily..
Rmb, we are family and no one gives up on their family..
I love you guys, and I love SLB..
But I hate those who just washes their hand clean off SLB just bcos they are no longer passionate.. Juz bcos the student body hates SLB does not mean tt you hate SLB too..
It was your choice, it is your responsibility.. So change your mindset!

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